Pandora's Propaganda
by Felony76
Summary: Celer confesses her life before entering the Sanctum where she is to give birth as well as to cease living. A story of how she betrayed her closest friends, did the craziest things, made the stupidest mistakes for her late husband, Saint, whom she murdere


Author's Note (01/02/03): Hello guys!! id like to wish everyone a happy new yr :) thx for coming, please enjoy the story!! a little review afterwards would be awesome ;) oh, the 1st chap may sound familiar if u've read my old ficcie, Beautiful Betrayal, which writer-blocked out on me 2 yrs ago under the sn of Namie.. i read it again recently and HAD to use it !! =9  
  
Misc: The story and ideas in PP all belong to Felony76, AKA Daphne Yin (I can be reached at musiquegirl13@hotmail.com). Certain names of people as well as some places (city names, major sites) are either related or directly taken from Greek mythology. Some terms encountered in the text are Latin. Terms labeled w/ an asterik (*) can be found at the bottom of the page for further reference.   
  
------  
  
Pandora's Propaganda  
Chapter 01 - Beginning of the End  
by Felony76  
  
------  
  
My name is Celer*. It used to be Speedy. You may think I'm special, and you might be right...how am I supposed to know? I don't know what other people's lives are like, or what it would take to be one of them. My life used to be the most precious thing. Now, I'd give anything to be one of them.   
  
You could say I'm a selfish girl, wanting this and wanting that, and maybe you're right about that too. I guess everyone feels this certain way about their own lives, just like I did. And thinking back to the days I felt that way, I can still feel the slightest pride. Maybe I have no significance in your lives, but I am proud to say I had a special place in Saint's* heart. At first I was quiet and stubborn, but slowly, moment by moment, my heart had come to love him. Soon he was even more important to me than.... anything else, it seems. My friends, the Elders*, even Felony*.... - they didn't matter to me anymore. All that mattered to me was Saint. I wanted to be with him every second everyday, and couldn't live without him. I didn't realize until later when it was too late. I can't say my friends left me, because I know it's the other way around. I betrayed them...I, Celer, am a betrayer.  
  
Me.... heh. I confess, I'm a fool. When Eos* granted me good looks, she didn't care to give me a good heart. I know now I don't deserve beauty on the outside or inside, but I wish I could have had another chance. To be beautiful on the outside is one thing - but to be selfish, dishonest, and unreliable on the inside is another. I'd rather be ugly now. I've cried so long these past days I'd thought maybe by now my tears would have left permanent scars on my face. No such luck. Be damned the face that appears in my mirror.  
  
A butterfly with colorful wings... stupid and naive. Poisonous. People thought I was harmless at first glance, but I realized after what I'd done how deadly I could be. Really, someone ought to have clipped my wings before I'd made the ultimate mistake of my life.  
  
I might have been attracteed to Saint for his pretty-boy attributes and lustful eyes... Something about him was so alluring. It was always like he was so casual and careless, almost as if he were just playing with me.... I would get so mad and try to make him treat me as a more serious lover, and not just a game.  
  
Then recently I became so angry at what he'd done that I....  
  
Before he died he had been so quiet.... I couldn't believe what I'd done. Usually he'd be so loud, his eyes always sparkling at me. But right then they'd lost their shine - they were so empty. When he said his last words they were so soft.... almost inaudible, so that I had to get closer to hear him. He died after those words.  
  
His words had been - "Thank you, Speedy."  
  
His eyes had closed. I'd thought about how they'd stay that way, and how they'd grow cold with time. How they'd never see again, at least not in this world. But what struck me most was what he said. Why the hell did he say "thank you" to me? For a flashing moment I'd felt angry.... I realized later that I had wanted him to die with a hating sinking feeling, forever despising Celer - Speedy - me. I wanted him to get angry, but he'd thanked me. For what?  
  
Some people die to live. Some people live to die. Well, I both died to kill and lived to kill. I killed so many of my loved ones.... I don't deserve to live in this world.  
  
It had been a lively shining world of love until I took the love away for myself and blindly shattered it into hate and turned the world upside down, betraying everyone I knew. I fraternized with the innocent and abandonned everyone, leaving behind everything. Fooled around with the hearts of those truest to me.  
  
Yes. I can't believe it, but yes. I did those things....  
  
I don't have reason to live anymore. Whatever comes next, I hope for once I deserve it. I just hope no one makes the same mistakes I did again. Because so many times.... I think I would be happier dead than alive. Because to be in Hell, I'd think, would have been Heaven compared to what I've been going through now. Because all this time.... for a while.... I've been alone, save Saint's presence. But now he's gone too.  
  
I never thought I'd live to be a killer. All of my childhood dreams have gone down the drain. I thought that children could be so innocent.... but I was a child once too, you know. I had dreams, hopes for a bright future, plans for a happy life.... Now everything's dim and obscure... It's like somebody turned off all the lights on me.... left me behind?  
  
Many times, I wonder. Did I have a mother? Was I the result of two people in love? Or was I a mistake, like my whole life has been.... ? I guess it wouldn't be much of a surprise on my part. Well, I'm ready now. I'm ready for what comes next. I have nothing to lose... maybe it's because I have nothing left. Nothing except for this huge bulge in my tummy. It's my only remaining token of Saint. My baby.  
  
After I finish this introductory passage, I am going to write my life out. Everything. And then.... my place here is done.  
  
I've been told whatever lies beyond the Sanctum's* door will lead me to heaven or hell. Eos will be the judgement of my destination. Eos will make the decision. Eos, my only Mother, I pray to you. Send me to Hell. For the sake of the monster I've become, send me to Hell. It's the only place I deserve now. Oh Mother, I'm so scared.  
  
I confess now; my life's story. A story of how I betrayed my closest friends, did the craziest things, made the stupidest mistakes just for love.  
  
------  
  
Terms (listed in alphebetical order)  
  
Celer (Latin): Swift, agile, with speed. The name of PP's main character Speedy, used in her later life.  
  
the Elders: Eosians past the age of 60. Being there are no living mothers in Eos, the older men, along with women past menopause, take up the basic paternal/maternal roles in society. They are the only ones who may enter the Sanctum, and govern all activities there.  
  
Eos: The Greek goddess of the dawn, who is said to rise into the sky each morning in a golden chariot lead by winged horses. She is the Creater/Goddess of the Eosian world, which is named after her. Eosia consists of one stretch of land in the shape of Eos herself, the rest of which is a surrounding body of water. The cities within Eosia are named accordingly (in Latin) to the specific part of the Goddess' body. The Eosian people pray to the Goddess every dusk once she descends from the sky, referring to her as their Mother.  
  
Felony: A serious crime. The name of Celer's late best friend.  
  
Saint: A person of great purity; a person who has died and is in heaven. The name of Celer's late husband.   
  
the Sanctum: The fortress of both Life and Death, located in Papilla Occasus, the heart of Eos. Its ivy-covered stone walls extend one mile high. The late Eosians are sent there for burial. Women are also sent there after 10 months of pregnancy to give birth, and are said to be sent to either Heaven or Hell afterwards. The only time anyone exits the Sanctum is to deliver a baby.  
  
------  
  
whoa!! whats gonna happen!? ^^ find out in the next chap! i know i know.. a little depressing, but it'll get better! remember, w/out ur support i wont have the motivation to continue the ficcie -hint- and thatd be bad -hint-. so go & review!! PLEASE? =P 


End file.
